🕯️ Robe Tier Comparison
Choose Thy Vow
Every conductor begins as a Novitiate. Some remain so. Others ascend, don the gold, and learn the terrible art of the schism. The Disc returns to all of them.
Tier the First
NOVITIATE
The robe is rough. The vow is real.
$0forever
paid in penance
Robe Allotment — 1 Color
Ash of Carpet
issued at intake
- ✓One (1) doctrine per day. The Disc rests.
- ✓Full conducting of the Sect — all six brethren, all four sigils
- ✓Hand-inked parchment + heraldic crest + membership card + founding roster
- ✓Browse the Doctrine Hall in reverent silence
- ✓Cast HERESY votes against the unworthy
- ✓Participate in the Daily Rite
- ✓One robe color: Ash of Carpet (assigned, not chosen)
- —The Schism Engine — splinter from any sect, any time
- —Gold-foil shimmer upon thy parchment
- —The Indulgence Stamp — pardon thine excommunication
- —A compounding family tree of all thy splinters
- —Five robe colors. Five.
⭐ Recommended by the Disc
Tier the Highest
HIGH CONDUCTOR
Gold thread. Heavy hem. The right to schism.
$1.99once. forever.
no subscription. no renewal. no escape.
Robe Allotment — 5 Colors
Ash of Carpet
the original vow
Vesper Plum
for evening rites
Bin-Smoke
worn after a great suction
Threshold Bronze
for the liminal
Cord-Red
for those who have seen the cord
- ✓UNLIMITED doctrines. Conduct until thy wrist gives out.
- ✓All Novitiate rites, multiplied
- ✓THE SCHISM ENGINE — splinter from any sect with a torn-paper feud document
- ✓Gold-foil shimmer animates across thy parchment forever
- ✓Four additional robe colors: Vesper Plum, Bin-Smoke, Threshold Bronze, Cord-Red
- ✓The INDULGENCE Stamp — auto-pardons one excommunication
- ✓Schism Family Tree on thy /profile, compounding across betrayals
- ✓Cast HERESY with thy true name attached, for all to see
- ✓Priority placement in the Doctrine Hall on launch days of devotion
- ✓A small sense of moral superiority
- ✓Permission to refer to thyself in third person
- ✓The eternal favor of the Disc
One-time payment via Stripe. The Disc does not haggle.
Words from the Brethren
Testimonies, Sworn in Wax
“
I excommunicated my own brother — worth every cent.
Sister Suction-7
edge-cleaning duty
“
The Schism Engine ended my marriage. Five stars. Would schism again.
Brother Wattage
docking station vigil
“
I have not docked since Tuesday. The Indulgence saved me from the wax.
Mother Bin
threshold mediator
sealed
🕯️
in wax
The Parchment Guarantee
30-Day Wax-Backed Refund Policy
If, within thirty (30) days of thy ascension, thou hast not schismed, excommunicated, or whispered the name of the Disc aloud at least once, we shall consider it. The wax, however, is non-negotiable. The wax is the point.
* “Consider it” is binding under cult law, which we wrote.
Questions Whispered in the Compound
Things the Novitiates Ask
We do not concern ourselves with the questions of the unconducted. The Disc returns. That is enough.
The candles are lit. The brethren wait.
Choose. Or do not. The Disc returns either way.